CRISIS RECOVERY 05: MORE ANNOTATED FUN WITH INFINITE CRISIS #5

[MattBrady]

It’s that time of the month again.

If a month of anticipation, and then finally reading Infinite Crisis #5 this week have left you worn out, you’ve come to the right place. Just as we did last month, it’s time for some "Crisis Recovery", and hopefully, a reminder that, in the end, it’s all just funny books.

And again, for those easily offended, that “funny books” thing was only the first thing that is going to come out of this that will upset you, for sure.

And yes, be warned – we will try too hard to make jokes, some of the references will go right over your heads, and some will go right over our heads. Also – with this issue in particular, there’s a little less to annotate – if you’ve been reading along, you know a lot of the setup, so we’re not going to repeat it here. Also, this issue, for some reason, was infected by a bad case of splashititis, and as a result…well, there’s only so much you can say about a page with a bunch of Photoshopped pictures of the earth on it and no other text. There’s even less that you can say if you’re trying to be funny.

So - with tongue firmly planted in cheek, we’ve got your Infinite Crisis #5 page by page guide with mild annotations, some of which may even be correct.

While it may seem obvious to most, a page-by-page guide WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS.

Page 1

Q: Oh, so when the other earth appeared in issue #4, it “appeared” right beside the regular DCU earth. Rather than back where earth-2 used to be, across some dimensional jump?

A: Apparently so.

Q: I’m no Galileo, but wouldn’t another mass equal to the earth appearing between the earth and the moon be…bad?

A: Yes, it would.

Q: So why isn’t it?

A: The magic of comics. You know that’s what Mr. Terrific wanted to say on page 1 – he just wanted to break that fourth wall and tell everyone that.

Q: So – half the heroes go missing, and those remaining go to church?

A: Yup. Turn the page.

Page 2

Q: Whoa – who’s that leading the service?

A: Zauriel, who Ragman mentioned by name on the last page.

Q: He looks…angelic.

A: He should. He’s the real deal. Or at least as “real” as you can get in Grant Morrison’s view. He created him (with Howard Porter kicking in design work) back during his run on JLA. He’s an angel who gave up heaven – but not in the Lucifer way…more like in the Nic Cage for Meg Ryan way. Naturally, he now lives in Los Angeles.

Q: With all these heroes in church, is DC saying that they’re all Christian?

A: Nah. Mr. Terrific is an avowed atheist (so much so that it’s become a relatively key component to his character), and there are others who are clearly agnostic. Probably, for some/all of those who weren’t Christian, this was a gathering point before the next battle – a place to be calm and reflect and gather the inner strength.

Q: Why did Hal Jordan take off before the “Amen,” though?

A: Good question. Hal’s a complex cookie, especially since his return to this world. But – let’s consider – he went mad and killed a lot of his friends (so you could argue that he still has some guilt about it and doesn’t feel like he belongs in a house of God); he served as the host for the Spectre, which gave him a rather intimate look at the workings of God’s mysterious ways as he exacted justice (which is probably akin to liking sausage, but then not liking it after you see how it’s made); or heck, maybe he had to pee.

Q: Why aren’t your answers funnier this time?

A: It’s church and angels and stuff so far – hardly a mine of comedy gold. Hey - the “sausage” joke wasn’t funny?

Page 3

Q: So Alex created Earth-2 without people on it?

A: Yeah – he’s nutty that way. And as Sand reveals, this “earth” was extremely manufactured, and has that “fresh off the showroom floor” scent still. Shame it took so much effort on Alex’s part – Magrathea would’ve done it for half the cost.

And if anyone gets that reference, a) good for you, and b) get out more.

Page 4

Q: Why don’t I have more questions?

A: We’re past the midway point now – there’s less to explain, and really, we’re seeing the payoffs of what was laid out (and needing explanation) before.

Q: So Lois made the trip with her eyes closed?

A: Hey – in issue #4, just before she left, she was in her sick/death bed, barely conscious. You’d have your eyes closed too.

Q: They can’t possibly believe that I’ll think this is their happy ending, can they?

A: Yeah, it does kind of have a bad feeling, even just on that page, in their one moment of happiness, doesn’t it?

Page 5:

Q: Where?

A: The caves near the Batcave.

Q: How does Booster know where they are?

A: He’s from the future, they have maps then. Heck, they probably have tours of the Batcave by then. "And on your right, ladies and gentlemen, is a giant penny that, for some reason, Batman though he needed to hold on to. No, he wasn't nuts. No sireee."

Q: Batman has snares that pull people up and hang them upside down in his cave?

A: He loved the Luke on Hoth stuff from Empire Strikes Back, but still, it is kind of odd, given the sheer number of people, both good and bad that Batman knows who can shoot stuff from their hands, or heck, even a guy who might be carrying a gun.

Q: Did Booster “whapp” Jaime?

A: Ah, the old Booster/Beetle repartee is back! That, and it got the scarab to cover Jaime in the costume.

Page 6:

Q: So Booster shows Batman images of people he’s considering to recruit for his attack on Brother Eye? How does he know?

A: As Booster said, historical records from the future indicated who Batman took. But the catch – they also say that Batman never found it. Booster, in bringing him Blue Beetle, who can see Brother Eye, is altering history with knowledge from the future. Back in my day, we didn't stand for that - no way pard, the Linear Men would've come in and smacked Booster down for doing that.

But all of this means, of course, that technically, this Booster is from an alternate timeline – one where Batman never found Brother Eye, and…albeit presumably, Brother Eye continued to run roughshod over the earth and its heroes for a while longer until it was somehow shut down, as the 25th century, where Booster is originally from, is pretty peaceful.

Which makes you wonder, if the 25th century was peaceful and...by Booster's accounts, boring, just how bad could this Crisis be, anyway?

Q: My head hurts.

A: Take an aspirin.

Page 7

Q: Where’s Superboy?

A: The Bacta tanks of Hoth.

Q: Funny.

A: Hey – we were on an Empire riff here… Alright – but if we were the betting type, probably Titans Tower, as over in Teen Titans #32, the other Titans who came to Superboy’s aid in Crisis #4 were all around him, so it makes sense that they’d take him from the battle scene. But – don’t hold us to that – he could be anywhere – holed up in a STAR lab somewhere in the Midwest, near the fight, or elsewhere.

Q: Uh, Luthor’s duds?

A: Yeah – apparently, he’s only a super genius in certain areas, and fashion is not one of them. Sure, sure, putting Luthor in the purple and green is a nod back to the Silver Age stuff, and Luthor’s original bad guy costume, but jeez. Could we have seen the moment where Luthor was constructing his suit, thinking, “Green unitard, purple overshirt, high collar, straps across chest….GENIUS!” (that last part is really a lot funnier if you say it out loud, getting more excited as you go, and then kind of sing "GEEEEN-IUS!". Trust us.)

Okay – we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, and buy the argument that it’s the necessary undersuit for his giant body armor he was in back in issue #3 – that somehow, the fabric interacts with the suit’s controls. We’ll buy it only if he’s not wearing it the next time we see him.

Q: What did Luthor slip into Superboy’s pants?

A: We’ll ignore the suggestive phraseology, and remind you that he snatched a crystal from Alex’s hideout back in issue #3. From the looks of it, he got a good one, not the one that had Marlon Brando talking to Christopher Reeve.

Page 8:

Q: If there’s no one else on earth-2, who cooked the pretzels? Who…cooked…the…pretzels?

A: We could tell you, but that little question will be the root of Crisis One More Time in 2026.

Q: What’s Lois trying to say when she says, “But this isn’t…”

A: Aha – unlike Superman, Lois wasn’t wearing blinders.

Page 9:

Q: Okay – that’s kind of sad.

A: Yeah – despite being blinded to Luthor’s plans, this was a pretty lousy way for Lois to die, given that relatively everything Superman was doing was for her. Sure, he brought her home, but, as he’s seeing, that home was an imperfect one, and she died on the street, minutes after arriving.

Sucks.

Q: What was she trying to say?

A: Good question. “You still never realized that Alex Luthor is a dick?” “You still never learned to put the seat down?” “It’s not going to be the end, because someone cooked those pretzels, and therefore we’ll be back in 20 years for another Crisis?”

Page 10:

Q: What’s he saying?

A: “Lois!” as Superman of earth-1 reveals later.

Q: He’s screaming loud enough to break glass and cause concrete to crumble, but Lois’ body is okay, rather than a puddle of goo?

A: Magic of comic books.

Q: And, across space, over on the DCU earth, Superman can hear that?

A: Magic of comic books.

Page 11:

Q: These looters are awfully eager to point out what they perceive to be the wrong direction in which Wonder Woman’s moral compass is pointing…

A: A nod to Brother Eye’s plan to show the whole world what Wonder Woman did. The message penetrated so deeply into the collective consciousness of the DCU that even common thugs were debating the morality of Wonder Woman.

Page 12:

Q: Why does Wonder Woman think that Diana Prince is her mother?

A: Because her mother did actually serve as Wonder Woman during World War II, with the Justice Society and All-Star Squadron, and wore an outfit similar to that one. It was a time travel thing…

Page 13:

Q: So Superman did hear him?

A: Yeah – through space and all of that. Of course, you could wave your hands and say that the two Supermen are, in essence, on the same wavelength, and therefore have this twin-like ability, where one feels something, so does the other.

Q: Twins have that ability?

A: Yeah – we saw it on the Discovery Channel…or SciFi...in either case, it was on TV, so it’s true.

Page 14:

Q: Aw no, he di-i’t!

A: Aw yeah - Action Comics #1 bay-bee! Check out the real one – artist Jerry Ordway even gave the car the same damage pattern – flying headlight, crumpled hood and all. The only thing he missed was the tire flying off to the lower right. If he’d have put that in, it would’ve been smashing Lois’ head, so it’s probably a good thing it was left out.

Page 15:

Q: Wow – Superman’s gone nuts.

A: He just lost his wife, and, at the core of all this anger is him realizing that he’s been completely used by Luthor. There’s anger, grief, guilt, shame, loss – when you’re Superman, it’s easiest to get that stuff out by using your fists – at least at first.

Q: And at the bottom of the page? Luthor…

A: Is a dick. As the Psycho Pirate learns, Lois and Superboy Prime were simply two pieces on the board that he moved in order to get what he wanted. Of course, the Superboy comment will come back to bite him in the ass later, as DC’s Dan Didio pointed out in this week’s Crisis Counseling - Luthors always –and occasionally fatally – underestimate Superman.

Page 16:

Q: This is a history lesson, right?

A: Right – earth-2 Wonder Woman tells this Wonder Woman all about who she is, and reveals that Steve Trevor (who she escaped with to Olympus at the end of the original Crisis died to get her to this earth to meet Wonder Woman.

Q: Wait – “Diana Prince,” “Paradise Island,” “Steve Trevor?” How come I’m more familiar with the earth-2 Wonder Woman than I am with this one and all the Amazon stuff and her island home of Themy..something? I mean, all that earth-2 stuff sounds like what I remember from the old Wonder Woman television series.

A: Yeah…well…yeah…

Q: So – all along, what Wonder Woman needed was another version of her to come in, and tell her to be human?

A: Well – there’s more to it than that, but that’s the base of it.

Page 17

Q: How’d they get to earth-2?

A: They were flying there during the conversation. C’mon – it’s an invisible plane – it's not like you needed to look out a window?

Q: So the Superman fight has pretty much destroyed earth-2 Metropolis?

A: Pretty much.

Pages 18-19

Q: Uh…got it – fight, Wonder Woman shows up, they stop fighting.

A: Right. Why am I here?

Page 20:

Q: This argument…um…

A: Superman-2 has his points about the JLA, Batman, and Wonder Woman, true. And then accuses Superman of not leading the heroes to make a better world. But Wonder Woman and Superman don’t answer those points. Wonder Woman raises a new issue, and Superman-1 answers that.

Hm – raise legitimate questions, and then, instead of answer those, reverse the flow with another question, and then, before the original questioner can respond, have someone else chime in with an answer that undercuts the first dude to ask a question.

Sounds like a messageboard “debate.”

In that spirit then, Superman’s “A perfect earth doesn’t need a Superman” line has its effect, and that effect is:



Page 21:

Q: All those earths Alex mentioned?

A: Yeah, Luthor was playing who’s who for the Psycho Pirate, and giving the final confirmation that everyone was wondering when Breach first debuted in his own series a while back – that is, his origin was note for note just about the same as Captain Atom’s.

Q: But still, earth-8? There wasn’t an earth-8…

A: Right – but, given the frequency (some may call it convenience) of new earths showing up back when the multiverse was around (cool idea, popular heroes? Give ‘em their own earth!) – as Alex sees it the multiverse was still growing, and had earth-8 showed up, it would’ve been the home to those named analogues to the people on the main earth. As a result of them being on the same earth, they, instead, overlapped with the other characters, in some cases, taking over for them (Kyle Rayner and Jason Rusch) and in others, existing side by side, with eerie similarities, as with Breach.

Or…something. If you think about it too much, your head will explode.

Page 22:

Q: Alex is back at it?

A: Right, and more importantly, Superman-2 has realized it all. It’s a bad day to be Alex Luthor.

Page 23:

Q: “Everything comes from Superman?”

A: Literal and figurative. All superheroes can credit Superman for paving the way, likewise, within the DCU metaverse, Superman (later relocated to Earth-2) was the first hero, and, perhaps where Alex is going is that Superman-2 is the lynchpin to all the different earths – that everything spins off of him. In either case, as Alex admitted earlier, he doesn’t understand it, so why should we bother trying too hard?

Q: Who are all those guys near Superman?

A: Different iterations of Superman that have appeared over the years, in various stories and Elseworlds.

Page 24:

Q: Did an artist get paid for that?

A: Hey – mad Photoshop skillz don’t come for free…plus - look at the top on the left column - Bizzarro world! (that would be the square earth).

Page 25:

Q: Mr. Miracle? Isn’t he mixed up with that 7 Soldiers stuff?

A: This one has a cape, and it probably Scott Free, rather than Shilo Norman, who’s in 7 Soldiers. Although, in the “New York” panel, the big dude on top of the bus sure looks like Frankenstein, who’s also in 7 Soldiers.

Q: Where did Captain Marvel Jr. and Mary Marvel go?

A: To their own, original earths as Alex was creating them.

Page 26-27:

Q: Er…

A: Kinda empty and quiet, isn’t it. Think of it as Nightwing is all alone, realizing the gravity of the situation and the responsibility that he’s been burdened with instead of a double-page spread of a guy in a big empty room saying three words.

Page 28-29:

Q: More with the Photoshop?

A: Yeah. You know, when printing technology first got to the point where you could printing a relatively high-resolution picture in a comic book, given the ink and paper that would ultimately combine to make the image, it was cool – a novelty. Twenty or so years later, to have some of the best modern comic book art, and slap on cloned satellite images of earth, it’s a little…rip you from the storyish. Not to be too hard on it, but how hard is it to even get a production artist to draw eight different views of the earth, and shuffle them in?

Q: Nice rant. But why are some going explodo?

A: Apparently, some of the worlds Alex brought back were inherently unstable.

Page 30:

Q: Nightwing’s comment about the parallel earths?

A: Yes, and curiously, there are none in the sky behind Superboy.

Q: So Nightwing and Superboy are going to take out Alex and his tower?

A: That’s the plan. Check out Teen Titans #33 for more.

Page 31:

Q: Dr. Light?

A: Apparently re-charged and back to fighting strength despite being depowered and nearly killed by the bad Dr. Light a little while back in Green Arrow. Of course, we never bought that the bad Dr. Light could de-power her, after all, her power is light, and it’s not like there’s a shortage of light, so she could easily power up again. See? We’re smart like that.

Q: Which Flash is that?

A: Sticking to history (both from his series/appearances as well as how the Wally West Flash looked in issue #4), the straight lightning bolt belt tells us that this is Barry Allen, returning to his role of warning the other characters in Crisis that something bad is coming.

Page 32:

Q: Yowza. The Speed Force couldn’t hold him?

A: Hey – consider it – in breaking out of the “prison” Alex built, he literally shattered the “walls” of a universe. Since then, he’s moved planets around. What chance did the Speed Force have of holding him?

Q: What about his kicky duds?

A: Apparently, somewhere along the line, Superboy grabbed some of the Anti-Monitor’s armor. Or…at least that’s what people were guessing when the solicitation for this Superboy action figure from DC Direct went live a couple of months back.

Q: And his return shows Alex Luthor’s flaw?

A: More than likely – he never considered that Superboy might come back. And also, remember - despite his flaws (and they’re plentiful), Superboy Prime looked up to Superman-2 and Lois. Once he learns from Superman-2 what Alex did…Luthorpaste.

[algertman]

the "Superman always save Lois" line was so sad

I also like when all the planets were lined up and you have the one Bizarro planet

[EyesBL7]

Originally posted by algertman

I also like when all the planets were lined up and you have the one Bizarro planet

That was great, I didnt notice that until the second time I read it. Something else I caught my second time around...did everyone notice what vehicle Batmans group are using to search for Brother Eye with?

[Blast-Off]

I'd managed to go 2 months without seeing or even knowing about the infamous Superboy Prime action figure. Then, last wednesday when I'm picking up my new comics what do I see on the wall of my LCS but a picture of that toy! Oh well, I still think he looks cool and I love this series. The page with Superboy and Nightwing just gets me way too excited for Teen Titans #33 and the rest of IC. Those are two of my favorite characters in the DCU.

[Kolimar]

Originally posted by MattBrady
Sounds like a messageboard “debate.”

In that spirit then, Superman’s “A perfect earth doesn’t need a Superman” line has its effect, and that affect is:

HAH!

[Jon Yeager]

This is probably a very stupid question, but... who's answering those questions? I see MattBrady as the person asking them, but there's no mention of who's answering'em anywhere. Is it someone from DC? Another Newsarama staffer? MattBrady's 2nd personality?

Thanks.

[Bane122]

E-2 MattBrady.

The evil one with the Van Dyke.

[Punchy]

I got the Magrathea reference! Go me!

[sebzero11]

This issue was worth it for me, just to see the look of "what-the-f***" mixed with a bemused smirk on Batman's face when Booster Tells him "I know your secret plan, & it doesn't work."

Matt, these columns rule...fergit the actual Crisis..I want a Trade of THESE when it's all over!

[mdg1]

I'm pretty sure that's actually the Seven Soldiers Mister Miracle. Scott Free never had glowy lines on his costume.

[ERMurrow]

And that ladies and gentlemen has made my whole weekend.

Bravo E-2 MattBrady. I picture you just like Matt, but with an evil moustache.

[Moonbeam]

Heheheheee ... love these things.

I assumed Lex was in that costume so that we'd know WHICH Lex we were viewing. After all, "our" Lex (as opposed to the Alex/Lex) has been wearing his armor for awhile now, hasn't he? -- ever since that issue of Superman/Batman where he first uttered the word "crisis." So if he suddenly showed up in ... saaaaay... a black turtleneck, we'd all be like, "ok, who's THAT?" Seeing him in clothing mimicking the armor, and his silver-age appearances, made it clear which Luthor was manipulating Conner. OUR Lex. Makes me all warm and fuzzy to see him helping his boy save the world. *sniff sniff*

[lonewulf]

I loved this issue. I feel like so much happened, and yet there is so much more coming.

Nightwing. Perfect. Spot on characterization. Dick has become what heroism is all about in the current DCU. I can't wait to see how he and Conner approach the confrontation with Alexander.

Seeing Batman and his cadre of misfits getting ready to take on Brother Eye, so sweet. And the Blue Beetle ship was really cool, especially the new Beetle's reaction to seeing it and the other heroes.

Someone else has posted up their theory on Booster....I agree that it appears as though this Booster is not the same Booster as the one that took off and headed back to the future in the begining of the crisis.

So many people are shaping up to just want to tear off Alexander's head (Kal-L, Kal-El, Superboy Prime, Superboy & Nightwing, and Lex), I just hope Lex gets in a few licks before everyone else and there's nothing left of Alex.

[OM]

Originally posted by Bane122
E-2 MattBrady.

The evil one with the Van Dyke.

...That's the one who not only married Mikey Doran, but adopted Renaud as his daughter *and* encouraged MOTA to become his son-in-law?

[ducks behind big Earth-F rock]

[Squashua]

Somehow, someway, I just think that Booster Gold is behind all of these shenanigans .


Damn time travellers.

Shenanigans! I call Shenanigans! Get your brooms!

[Excelsior!]

Originally posted by Punchy
I got the Magrathea reference! Go me!

I just want to know if Alex Luthor's planning on having more fjords in this new, 'perfect' Earth...

[OM]

Originally posted by Excelsior!
I just want to know if Alex Luthor's planning on having more fjords in this new, 'perfect' Earth...

...Why? Is he pinin' for 'em? :-P

[pop monkey]

Okay, what the ?#^$&# does PWNED mean? It's not even pronounceable in English -- it's probably some sort of hip internet lingo or abbreviation, right? I've seen it in several different places now, and it just looks stupid. So... someone enlighten an old codger.

[Jed Saxon]

Originally posted by pop monkey
Okay, what the ?#^$&# does PWNED mean?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=PWNED

[Dystocia]

Ahh .... the DC Universe, where plot and logic are still written like 1960's cartoons, but the addition of ultra-violence makes readers think they have become "mature" works. My favorite thus far (apart from the fact that the WHOLE ARGUMENT against Wonder Woman's actions don't even make sense, and it's impossible to believe any other character would be stupid enough to be upset with her about it) is Superman welding together a building from the outside, as if that would fix the interior walls. That seriously could have been a scene from Super Friends.

And everyone just keeps right on reading, thinking how far comics have come from Action Adventure #1.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thank god for Vertigo.

[campbell551]

Page 31. I think that the second Flash from the left is Wally. His belt is Wally-ish as opposed to the Barry-ish belt of the other images.

[CitC]

That one pannel on page 2 was brilliant. It explained everything in a couple of word balloons. That was worth the price of admission.

[Starlord]

Originally posted by Excelsior!
I just want to know if Alex Luthor's planning on having more fjords in this new, 'perfect' Earth...

Nice one!

Personally, I'm waiting for the mice to show up.

[God-Man]

Originally posted by MattBrady
[B

[/b]

Thank you, Matt Brady. THANK YOU.

[King Dong]

Originally posted by sebzero11
This issue was worth it for me, just to see the look of "what-the-f***" mixed with a bemused smirk on Batman's face when Booster Tells him "I know your secret plan, & it doesn't work."

Matt, these columns rule...fergit the actual Crisis..I want a Trade of THESE when it's all over!

I took that as more of a "This guy isn't the useless clown I always thought he was" sort of look.
Not that it couldn't be that along with your interpretation too.