
It’s that time of the month again.
If a month of anticipation, and then finally reading
Infinite Crisis #3 this week have left you worn out, you’ve come to the right place. Just as we did last
month, it’s time for some "Crisis Recovery", and hopefully, a reminder that, in the end, it’s all just funny books.
for those easily offended, that “funny books” thing was only the first thing that is going to come out of this that will upset you, for sure.
And yes, be warned – we will try too hard to make jokes, some of the references will go right over your heads, some will go right over our heads. So - with tongue firmly planted in cheek, we’ve got your
Infinite Crisis #3 page by page guide with mild annotations, some of which may even be correct.
While it may seem obvious to most, a page-by-page guide
WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS.
Let’s roll, and start at the start.
Page 1:
Q: Holy crap!
A: And you thought Aquaman wasn’t cool.
Q: But why’s he fighting
underwater in San Diego with buildings and stuff around?
A: It’s partly “Sub Diego.” A goodly-sized chunk of San Diego fell right off and sank back in
Aquaman #15.
Q: But…
A: Yeah.
Q: Who’s Aquaman fighting?
A: A virtual army of bad guys from the Society, as seen in
Aquaman #37. These include: Black Manta (helmet and red eyes), Ocean Master (skull-helmet, and is Aquaman’s half brother), and more. Check out
Aquaman #37 for the roster and attack, as well as a different view of the Spectre smooshing Atlantis.
As an aside – he stepped on Atlantis. That was
it? Where have the days of the Spectre’s judgments being full of delicious irony gone? Why not move Atlantis to the Gobi desert? Make them all eat fish until they explode? Have undead fishermen hook them all by the mouth and pull them to the surface? Flush the entire population of Atlantis down a huge toilet like you do with fish you don’t want around anymore?
Oh – that last one is funny, if we do say so ourselves…
Page 2-3:
Q: Where?
A: Atlantis, Atlantic Ocean.
Q: Who?
A: About every magical character associated with Atlantis in the DCU. They’re led by Tempest (the former Aqualad) who’s looking to repel the badness from the surface world.
Q: Who’s the guy talking about “my father’s city?”
A: Koryak, Aquaman’s illegitimate son by way of Kako, an Inuit woman. To see (well not see, but “see” literally, but what led up to it all) his conception, check out
Aquaman: Time and Tide by Peter David.
Q: Who else is there?
A: Hey, even on a good day, identifying all of Atlantis’ magic users is hard, but…let’s see…the mother of Tempest’s son, Dolphin; Lori Lemaris (the mermaid who fell in love with Superman) – we think, Vulko, leader of Atlantis; Arion, ages old sorcerer; and a few others which those posting below will point out probably before you’re done reading this, probably scolding us in the process.
But you know, they’d be scolding us for
not knowing characters from Atlantis in a comic book universe while we were writing a page by page annotation/analysis of a major crossover comic book. If that’s not the definition of a “let he without sin cast the first stone” situation what is?
Q: What’s Tempest doing?
A: Using magic – bad idea. The Spectre is still on his “all magic is evil, and must be destroyed” kick from
Day of Vengeance, senses the magic of Atlantis, and, in a bit that the Monty Python alums would be proud of, apparently stomps Atlantis.
Page 4:
Q: Brother Eye is still mad at Wonder Woman?
A: Yup.
Q: How is Wonder Woman able to be there? Wasn’t she arrested for killing Max Lord after the “Sacrifice” arc?
A: She left the detention center at the Hague in
Wonder Woman #223 when she saw that her home was under attack.
Q: Wait – are the OMACs after Wonder Woman or all the Amazons?
A: Yes. You’ll see in a couple of pages – Brother Eye sees all Amazons as a threat and Wonder Woman in particular as a
specific threat. As Brother Eye sees is, a race of super-powered female warriors who adhere to their own code with their own brand of justice could be problematic in regards to its view of the world. Oh, and Wonder Woman killed Brother Eye’s daddy, and if that’s not a good enough reason for war, what is?
Q: The woman talking to Diana?
A: Artemis. Once held the role of Wonder Woman. We discussed this
before (on the “Page 28” entry). Weren’t you paying attention?
Page 5:
Q: The Purple Death Ray? Did they steal that from Dr. Evil or something?
A: Funny. The Purple Ray dates back to the very beginning of Wonder Woman as a character, and was used by the Amazons to heal injuries. It was first used on Steve Trevor, and has been seen many times over the years, most recently, when it was shown that it has no affect on injuries inflicted by gods or their agents. Also, given the purple death ray, it also apparently had a switch on the back that had, until now, been set to “heal.” Flip the switch to “kill,” and you’ve got a death ray.
Page 6:
Q: Brother Eye is a dick, isn’t he?
A: Look who made him. To quote Harry Chapin, “And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me, He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me.” Although, we’re betting that Batman’s a little busy for any folk song-style introspection.
Q: What’s Program: Truth and Justice that Brother Eye is intent on finishing?
A: Details are sketchy, but probably something that involved killing or neutralizing all super-powered humans on the planet, leveling the playing field so that Batman (as originally programmed, we would surmise) could kick their heads in. Oh, all of that, and then the final line of the program probably writes “Batman rulz” or “Hey Superman, suck it!” on the moon’s surface.
Page 7:
Q: He can’t breathe?
A: We should be so lucky. Seriously – this is bad for him. Who knows if he’s even close to feeling guilt that this point, but chances are he’s feeling something that comes close…in a Batman kind of way, maybe “If x,y, and z hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have had to do this. Curse x,y, and z for happening!”
Page 8:
Q: Superman?
A: The other one.
Page 9:
Q: This is building up to something, right?
A: You got that feeling too?
Page 10:
Q: Uh…Superboy?
A: More’s coming up, but the appropriately seasonal phrase ends with “…than a fruitcake.”
Page 11:
Q: El Paso? Why?
A: The members of Shadowpact (soon to have their
own ongoing series), are going around the DCU, mopping up the pieces of the Rock of Eternity, which went all explody at the end of
Day of Vengeance. Though is traveled through many dimensions as the Spectre and the Wizard Shazam fought, apparently, it blew up over Gotham City, and sent pieces of itself all around the world.
Q: Detective Chimp is looking for a bar?
A: Yes. He’s an alcoholic.
Pages 12-13:
Q: Uh….Superman?
A: Cut him some slack – he studied journalism in school. To him, spot welding the outside of a building that was broken
in half and skipping the internal repairs to the building’s structure just might make sense…somehow.
Or…maybe Batman
is right about Superman, and he really is just a naïve farm boy from Kansas...who knows nothing about structural engineering.
Q: Yeah, but still…he said,”Good as new?”
A: Kind of makes you think that Superman is followed by a crew that goes in and
actually repairs the stuff after Superman puts the Band-Aid on it?
Q: What did Jaime find in the alleyway?
A: The Blue Beetle Scarab. Though Ted Kord may have been all about the gadgetry and the tech (although
not enough about the gadgetry and the tech to make a freaking bulletproof mask and hood), in its original incarnation, the Blue Beetle (Dan Garrett) was pretty mystical in nature, gaining his powers from the scarab Jaime just found in the alley. The easy money says Jaime is going to be the new Blue Beetle by
Keith Giffen and
Cully Hamner come March.
As for the reception of a new Blue Beetle from fans? Hey, Kyle Rayner was the last legacy character at DC to get his powers by accident in an alley, and that turned out okay, didn’t it?
Oh…yeah, that’s right.
Q: So what happens after Superman leaves?
A: The building falls down.
Page 14:
Q: Who, again?
A: Donna Troy’s gang of heroes which are in the Polaris Galaxy to stop/reverse the giant space anomaly from eating everything.
Q: Why is Firestorm talking to “Mick” who is apparently talking about Supergirl’s skirt?
A: Firestorm is currently two people merged together – Jason Rusch and his roommate Mick. Mick, apparently is a Newsarama regular, as this is the place where discussions about Supergirl’s costume can go into the tens of pages, and most often tend to focus on her outfit that would make a
Dirrty era Christina Aguilera blush.
Q: Who was the floating head behind Firestorm that said “Ronald?”
A: Ah, weirdness. That was Dr. Martin Stein, one of the two individuals who, along with Ronald Raymond, made up the
original Firestorm. Seeing Dr. Stein’s head show up would kind of suggest that there’s some multiple earth or multiple Firestorm thing going on, as Stein has been dead and out of the picture for some time.
Q: And the guy who looks like he’s there on loan from Vegas?
A: Aha – that’s another version of Firestorm – the one that the original kinda sorta evolved into a while back. Again, it’s all suggesting that there’s some kind of Crisis…at least on multiple Firestorms.
Q: Animal Man does what?
A: He can tap into the biological network (sometimes referred to as The Red) and copy the powers of any nearby animals. This one shoots lightning out of its face. Don’t be a hater. At least he’s not a bombardier beetle again.
Page 15:
Q: The Flash has kids?
A: Yup – Wally and Linda were preggers, and then Linda was injured by Professor Zoom, and lost he baby. One fight involving time, Barry Allen, and Professor Zoom later, Linda was pregnant again, instantly full term, and gave birth to twins. Dig it.
Q: Wait….what?
A: If you’re gonna buy that the building in El Paso will stand with a few spot welds on the outside, then you gotta buy this. Sorry.
Page 16:
Q: Back to the Batcave?
A: We make the jokes – you ask the questions.
Q: The Bruce that Superman is talking about?
A: The version of Batman from Earth-2. If you need more, and can handle us pimping ourselves, check out Troy Brownfield’s explanation of who Batman of Earth-2 was over
here.
Q: Did Batman’s death really begin the ball rolling on the end of Earth-2?
A: You’re just starting to get the idea that Superman’s view of things is very…subjective?
Q: Batman’s angry and lashing out because he doesn’t have friends?
A: We once had a high school teacher tell us the same thing, so it might be true. Although we hadn’t created a spy satellite that was overtaken by a nefarious player and corrupted to achieve his goals. Now
that would’ve made us bitter.
Q: That last panel – does Superman want Bruce to fight with him, or…
A: No, not pick out curtains. This isn’t the Wildstorm Universe.
Page 17:
Q: Wonder Woman is worried about bad PR?
A: Yes and no. She’s aware that the OMACs are sending out the images of the battle for Paradise Island around the world (with subjective edits), and Diana, aware that many people have lost their critical thinking skills thanks to the modern media, will buy the OMAC/Brother Eye version of events, that is, that (ignoring the fact that the OMACs are invading and attacking the Amazons) instead of being peace-loving, the Amazons are bloodthirsty and fight like warriors possessed – even when their home is invaded, apparently.
Q: And Wonder Woman surrenders not only to the OMACs and to this way of seeing things?
A: Hey – do recall that recently, in Greg Rucka’s run, Diana has had more than her fair share of run ins with the media and knows how the game can be played – and lost.
Q: So wait – the public has sympathy for the cold, impassionate robots effectively attacking and killing hot chicks? Doesn’t society always side with the hot chicks?
A: As suggested back a couple of pages with the Flash scene, yeah – some news stations are picking up the feed, proudly noting that it’s from an unknown source, and are putting their spin on it, reporting and deciding for their audience in one fell swoop – even though, as Linda West pointed out on that page, it goes against everything that the people know about Wonder Woman.
So yeah…apparently public opinion is being swayed for people to get their hate on for the Amazons.
Page 18:
Q: Retreating and running from an attack shows the world how much the Amazons value peace?
A: It is the Amazon way. When surrender is
not an option (and yes, saying this keeps the France jokes out of this thread), as the OMACs would’ve slaughtered them, and the battle is being televised, run.
Page 19:
Q: Where are they going?
A: Somewhere else. Amazon witness relocation program, as run by the Gods. Not “of Olympus,” mind you, but female members of many different pantheons.
Page 20:
Q: What happened to Paradise Island?
A: It disappeared while the camera (courtesy of artist Phil Jimenez) pulled back. The end result, graphically showing how small and alone Diana is in Man’s World now.
Q: Will the Amazons be back? Or at least gone longer than
Donna Troy?
A: Hard to say. While they appeared in
Wonder Woman here and there, it’s hard to think of many fans clamoring for their return. Of course, there is the idea that favors granted by the gods, even something such as “get us outta here!” are pretty
The Monkey’s Paw in their execution, so obviously, the fate of the missing Amazons is ripe for the picking.
Q: What does this mean for Wonder Woman?
A: No more weekends at home? Seriously, this does throw a monkey wrench into one of the elements Greg Rucka had played up in his run, that is, Diana was the acting ambassador of the island nation of Themyscria (or Paradise Island). The nation no longer exists.
But then, the ongoing
Wonder Woman series is ending, with a new one coming soon, and DCU Executive Editor Dan DiDio says he doesn’t like to start things anew unless there’s a fresh spin or take on it.
Page 21:
Q: Luthor watching Luthor?
A: Right – one is from the main DCU, and as the blue-eyed on revealed at the end of
Villains United, he’s the visitor from somewhere else. The “apex predator” of the planet.
Q: Luthor just ordered the Society to take down Black Adam?
A: Don’t you love it when the self righteous attack the self righteous?
Page 22:
Q: Again though – which Luthor is which?
A: Green eyed one in the super suit – he was the one who was President in the DCU, and went nuts at the end of the first arc of
Superman/Batman. The other one – well, keep reading.
Q: Luthor said that his brainwaves operate on an “Anti-Frequency?”
A: There was someone once, during a
Crisis who was all about the “Anti…” If we could just remember his name…
Page 23:
Q: This is still going on?
A: Like you would interrupt
your grandfather?
Q: Batman says that this is all his fault?
A: Admission of a problem is the first step to recovery, although it’s looking like Batman is vying to take the place of Superman in
Infinite Crisis of “hero acting like a woman.”
No offense to women meant.
Q: Superman said Dick Grayson of Earth-2 turned out worse than Dick of the DCU earth?
A: Yeah, that one stumped
Troy as well, but we’re just going to chalk it up to Superman’s selective
and interpretive version of history and view of the world of Earth-2, in general.
Page 24:
Q: Where’d that Kryptonite ring come from?
A: Originally, it belonged to Luthor, who had it made to hurt Superman shortly after the John Byrne reboot of Superman in the late ‘80s. Long story short, Luthor lost it, Superman found it, an gave it to Batman to use if ever one day he needed to stop Superman (it’s changed hands a few times since). Batman apparently thought this was the day, although it was the wrong Superman.
Q: What’s that countdown timer?
A: The time left until the security tapes from the JLA Watchtower’s destruction (Batman’s still on that case, remember?) back in
JLA #120 will be repaired and available for viewing.
Page 25:
Q: What are those crystal shards?
A: The computer (a la
Superman: The Movie’s crystal computers) of “a” Lex Luthor, which watches all. Of course, it’s interesting to note, it sees Captain Atom, who is currently in the Wildstorm Universe…and DiDio did say
something about that…
Q: And who’s the kid sitting on the bed?
A: Jaime – look in his hand – it’s the Blue Beetle Scarab. Either that, or it’s us, on a Friday night when we were 16, reading and re-reading the note from that girl named Erin who said she liked us…as a friend. Four words Erin: look at us now.
Q: So the blue-eyed Luthor is Alex Luthor?
A: Bingo – which means
he’s been manipulating the Society throughout
Villains United. This also makes sense in regards to why Luthor Blue Eyes wanted Pariah (and killed him – as he knew who he was as well as his involvement in the original
Crisis), and Lady Quark (she was the sole survivor of a destroyed universe as well) in
Villains United.
Page 26:
Q: Who’s ripping up Luthor’s armor?
A: Check the cuffs. He’s got the clean ones, not the “my wife knitted this sweater” ones.
Q: “You know what I can do when I’m in that yellow sun.” What does he mean?
A: It’s a hint about his power level – suggesting that, once charged up; he’s waaaay the heck more powerful than the DCU’s Superman.
Page 27:
Q: At this point, should we even assume that Lois wrote those journals?
Q: They were given to Kara when she was vulnerable and say just what she needed to hear. You be the judge. 50/50.
Pages 28-29:
Q: What the hell is that?
A: Ah – so this
is a sequel to
Crisis on Infinite Earths after all. That would be one of those dimensional tuning fork things that were used back on the day to keep the multiple earths in vibration/synch with each other. Although, given that this one has the remains of the Anti-Monitor strapped into it, it’s unlikely that this will be used for anything good.
And it probably can’t smell that good, what with the Anti-Monitor there…or his suit…since he was shown to be nothing more than energy in a suit at the end of the original
Crisis.
Q: Who else is strapped to it?
A: the Martian Manhunter, Breach, the Ray, Lady Quark, and Black Adam. They way Alex Luthor keeps saying they need Kara, it’s likely one of the spots on the tower is for her. Each of the individuals, it could be argued, play an important role in the “multiverse” concept – some came from other earths, some came from destroyed realities, some seem to have power over the barriers between realities, and one seems to be utterly unique between Earth-1 and Earth-2.
Q: How did they get Black Adam up there?
A: You mean in the 59 seconds or so since Luthor authorized the Society to take him down a few pages back and bring him in? It all goes back to the Superman spot-welding the building thing. If you’re going to buy that, then these villains can do it. Besides – who wants to make Luthor by being late?
Page 30:
Q: Hooo….boy.
A: Right – Alex and Superboy are behind all of this. Hoo boy indeed.
Q: Wait – how was Alex Luthor able to go back and forth to and from his “prison” before, posting as Luthor to the Society, and then claiming that Superman of Earth-2 was the first to break the barrier?
A: Go back to the original
Crisis - who built the “prison” that Superman, Superboy, Lois, and Alex inhabited?
Q: And Batman?
A: Oh, he’s pissed.
Quick Edit: "Monkey's Fist" changed to "Monkey's Paw," which is the actual title of the short story. "Monkey's Fist" is in an indication as to how many HK flicks we've seen since 8th grade English which allows us to completley muddle the two, and think nothing is wrong with it. We're sorry, Mrs. Williams.